Models and Mortals.

The whole time, I was thinking to myself, this isn't me, this isn't me, everyone congratulating me telling me I am doing a good job. Why don't I model. Do I model. A favor for a friend became a headache for me. I never played in my mother's make-up I would cringe whenever I seen them dolled up b-tches prance around my way in their dolly shoes, and become a diva. I just wanted to be me. I was out of my comfort zone today.

While the whole time I was feeling uncomfortable uneasy, and annoyed. The other girl was a experienced model and I was ... A mortals.. I kept thinking about the episode of sex and the city where carrie got the chance to model. I had to laugh, while everyone was shouting direction the photographer told me, "be natural". Which I consider a f-cking oxymoron, how can I be natural with all the make-up on my face.

 I spend my nights engrossed in my natural skin- reading books and writing stories. Writers don't do this shit. I don't like attention and I do not like being dolled up, . I never wanted to model. My mother tried to get to model, but I simply told her no, I wonder why I was adamant to do it this time. I do not like following direction. I like to be free and spirited and do as I please. I like being cute without the make-up. I like being dolled up with mascara and eyeliner and a shot of gold. Not looking like I am apart of the thiller video, she tells me "It goes with the rocker look" I wanted to tell her kiss my ass but I pretended to be a good sport.

I wasn't such a good sport walking out of the place where the shoot took place. I couldn't get the make-up off in the rest room, so I had to walk to my dorm, feeling bozo the clown. I've been washing my face away, it's so red. I am nervous about this pictures, although everyone was excited I wasn't, I wasn't at all. I guess because my support system wasn't there it was uncomfortable. But I got through it, will I do it again? NO! ... maybe ... NO TIME SOON.